Tolerance

Tolerance

In the aftermath of the recent terrorist attacks on the soil of our country, all of us have been looking for ways to regain control of our lives and to cope with feelings of horror, loss, fear, and anger. For our children's sake--as well as our own--it is vitally important that we use only positive ways to deal with our emotions. We now have an opportunity to instil in our children some of the most valuable lessons they will ever learn about tolerance-extended not only toward their own friends and family, but toward all the innocent members of society.
If, on the other hand, we let ourselves fall into a destructive pattern of hatred, racism, and revenge, we risk instilling in our children those very same harmful traits and perpetuating a cycle of violence.
In reaction to the recent events, many people lash out--verbally, if not physically--against people who come follow different religions. While many of us feel the need to express our anger about the vile acts that took place, it's important that you take the time to think long and hard about the message you are sending your children. Help them to respond in a healthy way instead of falling prey to the urge to act destructively on their natural feelings of anger.
Tolerance is an attitude of openness and respect for the differences that exist among people. The concepts of diversity and tolerance can also be related to gender, people with physical and intellectual disabilities, and other differences, too.
Tolerance means respecting and learning from others, valuing differences, bridging cultural gaps, rejecting unfair stereotypes, discovering common ground, and creating new bonds. Tolerance, in many ways, is the opposite of prejudice. But does tolerance mean that all behaviours are accepted? No, I think behaviours that break social rules, like bullying, stealing and lying should not be tolerated Tolerance is about accepting people for who they are — not about accepting bad behaviour. Tolerance also means treating others the way you would like to be treated.
Like all feelings, tolerance is often taught in subtle ways. Even before they can speak, children closely watch and imitate their parents. Children of all ages develop their own values, in great part, by mirroring the values and attitudes of those they care about.
Many parents live and work in diverse communities and have friends who are different from themselves in some ways. Parents' attitudes about respecting others are often so much a part of them that they rarely even think about it. They teach those attitudes simply by being themselves and living their values. Parents who exhibit tolerance in their everyday lives send a influential message. As a result, their children learn to appreciate differences, too. Of course, celebrating differences of others doesn't mean giving up your own heritage. Parents can teach tolerance by example — and in other ways, too.
I read an interesting game that they do in the USA with 4-year-olds. Each child is given a lemon and given time to “get to know their lemon.” The children spend about 10 minutes playing with the lemon, rolling it around, throwing it or whatever else they want to do. Then, all the lemons are put into a bucket, and the children are asked to find their lemon. Amazingly, they always find their own lemon... When asked how they knew it was theirs, the children can point out specific characteristics of their lemon, such as lumps, bruises or colour differences. The teacher then remarks that people can also be different but once you get to know them, they become special to you.
Then they peel the lemons and ask the children to again pick out their lemons. This time they cannot because they all look the same. And that is the point. We are all the same on the inside.
It’s a 15-minute exercise but it stays with a child for life. Teaching tolerance is not about lecturing; it’s about exposing them to a variety of cultures and being a good example. If you treat everyone with respect, your children will too.
Talking together about tolerance and respect helps children learn more about the values you want them to have. Giving them opportunities to play and work with others is important as well. This lets children learn firsthand that everyone has something to contribute and to experience differences and similarities.
Notice your own attitudes. Parents who want to help their children value diversity can be sensitive to cultural stereotypes they may have learned and make an effort to correct them:

o Demonstrate an attitude of respect for others.

o Acknowledge and respect differences within your own family.

o Demonstrate acceptance of your children's differing abilities, interests, and styles.

o Value the uniqueness of each member of your family.

o Form an identity of yourself it is important

o Honour your family's traditions and teach them to your children and to someone

outside the family who wants to learn about the diversity you have to offer.
Learn together about holiday and religious celebrations that are not part of your own tradition. My children had the greatest opportunity to learn about diversity and celebrate it. We lived in a building with a Punjabi-Hindu family, two South-Indian –Hindu families, one Syrian-Christian family from Kerala, two Catholic families from Goa and one from Chennai ( the father is a Hindu from Bengal), one Jain, one Bohra-Muslim, one Parsi, one Muslim, one Bengali-Hindu and our family Gujarati-Hindu.!!!! We celebrated all the Indian festivals together. What fun all the children had when they lit the Holi fire and then ran up and down offering everybody slightly burnt coconut Prasad. We had sheer korma for Idd and Christmas cake to celebrate the birth of Christ.
I remember during the Mumbai riots when Muslims else where in the city felt unsafe Tyab uncle and Sakina aunty on the floor above us felt safe because Paresh reassured them the mob would have to pass our floor first to reach them. And he under no circumstances would let any harm come to them. My children learnt this and I am proud to say they have friends of all castes and religions. The best and most beautifully illustrated Mahabharata was gifted to my children by Tyab uncle!
Remember that children are always listening. Be aware of the way you talk about people who are different from yourself. Do not even make jokes that keep alive labelling Some of these may seem to be harmless fun, they can spoil all the learning of attitudes of tolerance. Answer children' questions about differences honestly and respectfully. This teaches that it is acceptable to notice and discuss differences as long as it is done with respect.
Keep in mind the powerful effect the media have on shaping attitudes. Point out and talk about unfair stereotypes that may be portrayed in the media. At ever step point out the wrong.
Remember that tolerance does not mean tolerating unacceptable behaviour. It means that everyone deserves to be treated with respect — and should treat others with respect as well.
Help your children feel good about themselves. Children who feel badly about themselves often treat others badly. Children with strong self-esteem value and respect themselves and are more likely to treat others with respect, too. Help your child to feel accepted, respected, and valued. Give children opportunities to work and play with others who are different from them.

When parents encourage a tolerant attitude in their children, talk about their values, and model the behaviour they would like to see by treating others well, children will follow in their footsteps. 

By

Dr Swaroop Rawal