Helpful Ideas
Talk it out with someone
Count to 50 by 5’s
Take a deep breath
Find a place to be alone
Listen to music
Punch a pillow
Clean or organize your room
Scream
Walk, jog, or run
Switch on the music and dance
Write about what made you mad
Talk to yourself
Play with clay
Draw your feeling
Play a sport
Not Helpful Ideas
Eat a lot more (or less)
Fight
Threaten to hurt someone
Hurt yourself
Withdraw from everyone
Blame it on someone else
Take it out on an animal
Destroy property
Start a rumour
Run away from home
Laugh at the person
Yell at the person
Curse
Throw thing
Stay Cool
If an angry outburst does occur, react with calmness. An angry reaction from a parent will only escalate the situation. You don't want to mirror the child's inappropriate behaviour. Remember, when you lose your temper, you lose. Calmly allow the child or teen to face the consequences for their inappropriate expression of anger. Model how to be assertive rather than passive or aggressive.
Expressing feelings
Encourage children and teens to talk about their feelings. Help children learn by your example. Talk openly about your feelings with members of your family. When your children do open up, don't make them feel that they are being judged or rejected. Encourage talking by being a good listener. Children and teens will feel safe to share their deeper concerns when parents listen in an open, caring and non-judgmental manner.
See The Whole Picture
It is also important to realize that when a family member is feeling angry, you may only be seeing the tip of the iceberg.
E.g., a child returns home at the end of the day loudly shouting, "I hate school!" That statement can be an indication of deeper concerns, such as difficulty with learning, problems with peers, feeling rejected or inadequate, being discouraged, fearful or lonely.
Time And Space
Give family members time and space to process their angry feelings. Some parents find it helpful to take time to cool down when they sense their anger escalating. Kids can also benefit from a timeout to relax.
Avoid Triggers
Sibling rivalry, inconsistency, a lack of boundaries or limits; fear and unmet needs can cause families difficulty in their efforts to function as a unit. Such stress and frustration within the family can result in feelings of anger and resentment. When possible, try to prevent the conditions within the family that cause anger.
Strengthen Family Bonds
Providing emotional support, practicing open communication, being consistent with meals and schedules and becoming an active listener are good practices for all relationships within the family.
Set Limits
Angry feelings are natural in adults and children, but when it is expressed inappropriately, parents need to address it. Parents should work together to determine acceptable ways for family members to express their anger at home. These expectations and limitations then need to be communicated not only to the children, but also to caretakers such as grandparents. It is also important that these guidelines are explained before they are imposed and that they are enforced consistently.
Choose an alternative to losing your head.
Try the following routine when anger begins to grow and help other family members to learn the technique by your example:
· Stop
· Think peaceful thoughts
· Avoid physical action
· Avoid using aggressive or hurtful words
· Take timeouts for yourself
· Use an "I" Message ("I feel _____, when you ______, because _____.
I wish you would_______.")
· Express your feelings—e.g. what bothers you, what you need.
· Stay calm -- As long as you are calm, you are in control.
Recognize the Need for Support
Parents may feel that they are alone when experiencing excessive anger in their family. It is vital to acknowledge the need for support. If an uncontrollable child or adolescent is disturbing the normal family balance
Consider a visit with your child's school counsellor for support.
By Swaroop Rawal
Posts
